They dont want to hear from you. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? ", 4. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. And they all vote. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. ", 74. A cat . "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Politicians don't care about you. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. ", 115. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' Teach them to question everything. When a . This cookie, set by PubMatic, is used to build a profile of user interests and to show relevant ads. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). ", 53. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. God has a three-day weekend. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 And I didn't really care in the first place. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. This is what we have to offer. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. ", 9. 5 Reasons Why Followers Continue To Support Certain Political Leaders Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ", 40. This cookie is set by Eloqua. If a dog can do it, you can watch. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. On Election Day, I stay home. Everybodys going to save something now. ", 15. AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. '", 93. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. ", 23. No nothing. ", 107. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. ", 92. "How is it possible to have a civil war? I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes Revised and Updated ( PDFDrive "I don't have pet peeves. #AmericaWakeUp pic.twitter.com/vy2zz0j8DB, Mrs. Krassenstein (@HKrassenstein) July 26, 2020. They dont care about you at all. Keep your circle small. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin: Dumb Americans (2006) - Full Transcript They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. 125 George Carlin Quotes to Make You Laugh, Smile and Think George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. The Religion and Political Views of George Carlin - Hollowverse Which doesn't make any sense at all. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. The rights and the rights of property. The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin ", 94. Maybe this time itll work. "In America, anyone can become president. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. "Maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. ", 90. "There's a humorous side to every situation. Believe me, my friend. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? "People are fucking nuts. George Carlin's Funniest Political Quotes - LiveAbout In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. [] I look at war a little bit differently. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. You have owners. ", 37. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. A Death! By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. George Carlin - The American Dream - RU "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ", 100. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. You ever notice that? Who Does George Carlin Represent? | by Michael Thompson | Medium But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. They dont fall out of the sky. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. ", 98. If You're Preschool, You're F*cked': Read George Carlin's Epic 1996 Rant Against Anti-Abortion Conservatives . Let's start with critical race theory. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. "Don't give your money to the church. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. The people are f**ked. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". ", 16. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. Fascism won it. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. They own everything. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Well, we know what they want. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. George Carlin: Back in Town (1996) - George Carlin as Self - IMDb You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. I think the life cycle is all backwards. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008. And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. George Carlin. It was during the waning of the Nixon years, where confidence in government was beginning its slide down to the Stygian depths where it rests today; the Vietnam War, and racial unrest, continued to rage on. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. Everybody says they suck. "Some people see the glass half full. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. Change). When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. ", 33. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. George Carlin's Wise Words On Politicians Thats right. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances (2001) - IMDb George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube 1. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. It takes up a lot of your time. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. They've got the judges in their back pockets. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ", 41. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. Yeah, the public sucks. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. 'Punching down,' the political weapon of so-called tough guys This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. You don't. You have no choice. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. You voted them in. ", 30. Then youre just what theyre looking for. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. You have owners. They own everything," the quote reads. I don't have to tell you my favorite comedian just like I don't have to say my favorite meal to tell the chef his food sucks. George Carlin. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. You have owners. "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? It creates a hostile work environment. OK? ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. "I put a dollar in a change machine. ", 102. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. 100 George Carlin Funny Quotes On Religion, Stupid People 42. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. '", 78. ", 8. 02. Cloudflare sets this cookie to improve page load times and to disallow any security restrictions based on the visitor's IP address. They will do anything for the unborn. ", 28. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. -George Carlin There you are. ", 120. Its part of that showoff and dropout syndrome. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. What do you get at the end of it? This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. School officials told the couple that they present an inherent harm to kids.. ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. It also helps in fraud preventions. George Carlin. It helps in improving the performance. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. 51 Genius Quotes That Prove George Carlin Was A Modern Philosopher Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. ", 101. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. The ID is used for targeted ads. But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. ", 46. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. ", 4. Angie Kent - Latest news, updates, gossip, photos and video | Daily It's so f**kin' heroic. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . Thats what the owners count on. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. Because you have the illusion of choice. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. 5 Social Issues George Carlin Made Relevant - Medium Obedience, respect for authority. "In America, anyone can become president. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. This is a consent cookie set by Dailymotion to store the CCPA consent string (mandatory information about an end-user being or not being a California consumer and exercising or not exercising its statutory right). A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! September 12, 2019. "Dont just teach your children to read. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. Its because volunteers work for no pay. ", 103. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. ", 63. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating Theyre not interested in that. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. It May Not Seem That Way, but Politicians Often Do What Voters Want He loves you, and He needs money! ", 3. Its you. That is against their interests. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. Like the public. Never join a group that has a name. They own everything" "They've. Quote by George Carlin: "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed