Look, I love you with all my heart, but just because you don't love me back doesn't give you the right to treat me like dirt! Carl Otis Winslow: I didn't bring my gun. Steve Urkel: Practice. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well now that depends, how nice of a Christmas gift do you want. Steve Urkel: But, I told you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll show him. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. Steve Urkel: And lose that wonderful ocean flavor? Steve, what happened? Hey Steve, would you like a breast? And even then I knew it wasn't right. And, I just wanted to wish you good luck. Due to the Urkel character's off-putting characteristics and the way he would stir up events and underscore the plot or even move . Got anything in the fridge? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: State your name. I was not abrasive. Eddie has lied . He's so sad he could depress Richard Simmons. Eddie: As a starting forward of the school team, it's my duty to play round ball not nerd ball. And I just got the wax sucked out of my ears! [to Steve] I'm wearing you DOWN, baby! Steve Urkel: Danger's my middle name! Laura Lee Winslow: How fast are we going now? Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? You're standing on my finger! Carl Otis Winslow: I understand that. Harriette Winslow: No, you don't have to remind me of nothing. The Day Steve Urkel Was Born. The one-time appearance that turned | by I got a nosebleed at birth. Cool. Laura Lee Winslow: [reading note] 'If you want black history, go back to Africa'. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. [just got lemon tart filling thrown at him]. Your baby shoes, your grandmother's denchers, fish jam; and I didn't get a thing for you. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, Everything was Going Just fine, until You Blabbed that I was a cop. Originally slated to be a one-time-only character on the show, he broke out to be its most popular character and gradually became its protagonist. Laura: I was thinking about taking a home economics class so I can learn how to cook. Urkel actor Jaleel White is launching his own cannabis brand | CNN Business [the car breaks down. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! urkel-steve. Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! Carl: Typical. Steve Urkel: I can't help it, Laura. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Carl] I know you're stubborn as a mule but you don't have to act like a jackass! Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: Fuffner, I've heard of some low things in my time, but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me is plain dispicable. Did you see them work on Dora Fenswick? Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it? So to see if he can find the best, Steve challenged a few men to put their usuals to the test!SUBSCRIBE to get t. Steve Urkel: You didn't even make it onto the chart! [Runs with Steve to confront Waldo and Weasel], [Eddie tries to flirt with a cute girl, unaware that Carl is behind him]. Steve Urkel: Uh-oh, Mr.Frostbite. Harriette Winslow: Now let's hit the sack. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Steve Urkel: Okay. When is that party supposed to be. Carl Otis Winslow: [Has just gotten wind of Eddie's flyer party] Edward! [Steve is eating frozen fish sticks out of the box]. Steve began working on more elaborate inventions, and in "Little Big Guy" he had a new idea. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Harriette Winslow: [feigns being touched] Oh, Carl this is beautiful. Rachel Crawford: Right. You're a fine man.You'll be spending the month of May in your room, but you're a fine young man. That wasn't a rock video. Laura Lee Winslow: I'm not sure what day is this? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That stinks. To be quite frank I was embarrassed and so were all the other customers. Can you help me out? [Grabs and kisses her. I mean we've made contributions to this country for over 300 years, but you wouldn't know it looking at most history books, it's not fair. Steve Urkel: Really? Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [laughing] Good one, Myrtle! I wanna show you something. Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette. Make my day! This is my mother. I want more Punch! Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. I couldn't turn right around and refuse to go out with him. Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. You are under arrest! Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. Me and the guys were going to have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of town. Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. Harriette: Better add zucchini to that shopping list. No Traffic. Darnell Watkins: [about Carl] This guy's about invisible. Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for? You need to get out more. Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Where did you get the money for this? Carl Otis Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Edward. Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Trying to cover it up only make things worse. Edward! Laura: Where did you get the money for this? I can see my dad! Carl Otis Winslow: I'll get that, you must be having a rough day. And instead of admitting to it, you got yourself involved in gambling. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes and that's not all. Steve is clumsy and obsessive yet charismatic and likable. Steve Urkel: [panicked] um perhaps you mean "biosphere"? Steve Urkel: Laura? And you got LOUDER every time you made the Maitre D move us to another table. Laura: Doth thou love me? Here's What Steve Urkel Looks Like Today - TheList.com Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! Waldo: [pause] Wow! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Laura] Sugar, I realize you're having a hard time, but you've got to stand up for whatever you believe in, or things will never change. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it really bugs me that Steve is the only guy with enough guts to stand up to Willie. Clarence: [walking into the Winslow house] Well if it ain't the Partridge family. Steve Urkel: But, I've been practicing and my progress is impressive, even if I do say so myself. Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". Big guys have never played keep away with your hat on a cold day. Steve Urkel: King me. Urkel, the camera was on Eddie the whole time. Stefan Urquelle: You can take a bus or an airplane. Look how big and thick it is! Carl Otis Winslow: Well guess what Harriet, it's not empty. Well, why didn't you tell me? He just told you to get lost. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Would you shut your filthy mouth! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura! Then we par-tay, see no problem. Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. Don't nothing, never mind me, Carl. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Allison, is that true? [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? Steve Urkel: Uh-oh. I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. You're wrong, the maitre'd gave me a two for one coupon. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends. Come here, let me give you some sugar. Steve Urkel: Why, I can see the headlines now! Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. Carl Otis Winslow: [to the racist cop who pulled Eddie over] You know, I don't know how that badge stays up, because it's pinned to sludge. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Chondra in the bar about Maxine] Aww, yeah, she's a sweetheart but if she caught us in here together she'd rip off your arm and beat me with it. Harriette Winslow: So how're things back home? That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. Carl Otis Winslow: All right. Steve Urkel: Then your nasal passages swell and your nose and throat slam shut tighter than a clam. Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Steve Urkel: Hi Harriette, hi Laura, hi Harriette, hi Laura, hi Harriette, oh look, it's Laura! Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Harriette: I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class. Let's just get there! Then Urkel shows up with Eddie and Carl and the crowd cheers for him]. Waldo Faldo from Illinois. People just love juicy gossip! You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. Having run for nine seasons, Family Matters became the second longest-running non-animated U.S. sitcom with a predominantly African American cast, behind only The Jeffersons (11). Judy Winslow: Boring. You have a lot of qualitites girls really go for. Hey, you could be making this whole thing up! Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Like a moth to a flame. Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Mucus comes in so many colors. Waldo: Thanks for helping me find the gym. Steve Urkel: Oh, no I'm not. Steve Urkel: Well, actually, this is Eddie's story. Well, he got it trapped in the rear door of a Buick and was dragged eight and a half blocks. Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. I wanna play some of my own records on the jukebox, but I don't know how to put them in. Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son. Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Who? I can't breathe! Laura: Don't argue. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. I will not give you a lock of my hair. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How'd that happen? This isn't right Weasel. I can't even tell her it won't ever happen again! "Family Matters Quotes." Steve Urkel: It wasn't that play that cost you the championship. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That's one month longer than they taught it to me. Laura Lee Winslow: That's right, I don't know, and I still like the Cards. Stupid? Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? Steve Urkel: Carl, I brought the notes to go over with Laura. Harriette Winslow: Carl was nice enough to invite you into his game and you've been acting like a jackass. Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower? How did you know? Yesterday Richie and 3J were playing 'Nick and Carl'. If there was one thing I thought the show could have brushed up on, it would be the premise of the episodes. Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. Some Sorry looking roses that are 3 hours away from potpourri. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I'm here for you, baby. Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? I just got a job! Steve Urkel: A little? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong? He breaks something a beaker along the way]. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. Carl Otis Winslow: After you left, I saw your boy Fresh Squeeze at the door. often referred to simply by his surname, Urkel, is the main protagonist of Family Matters. Rodney Beckett: [after seeing Eddie's music video] I can't believe it. We're starved. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. A heart that hurts. I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Carl Otis Winslow: [after being frightened by Pablo, the stick bug] Did you see the size of that thing? Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. Cop: You two are going to juvenile hall until your parents pick you up. It's a cool chamber. Lt. Murtaugh: No, because I brought him back. And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo! This is amazing! 101 Best Pick Up Lines: Cheesy, Funny, Cute - Parade: Entertainment To rob and murder? [picks up a single serving container of gross looking food in the cafeteria]. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why? [sees the kids] Oh my Lord! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Waldo heads into the kitchen as Steve emerges] You o.k., Eddo? I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. Steve Urkel: Actually, it was my dad who said that. Harriette Winslow: Carl, those are my personal and private thoughts. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. Besides it's just a joy ride what could go wrong? Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to scoop the ashes back into the urn] Lord, forgive me if I come up a foot short! The Urkel mock will think bigger in potential screw-ups for teams that have valued assets poorly in the past than for teams that have made few mistakes. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. Laura: So do you Max, guess what, Steve rented us a limo. Steve Urkel: Edo, cheating is like wearing your grandmother's underpants. The notion was apparently incongruous enough to ABC, the longtime home of the hit comedy ''Family Matters,'' which features the geeky Urkel character, that its executives . [Stefan tries to stop the chamber and the chamber ends up being busted. Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! Carl Otis Winslow: [More excitedly] Yes, ma'am! Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. I rushed her to the emergency room and the doctor said she has walking pneumonia. [Maxine laughs hysterically after she leaves the house]. Harriette Winslow: Oh lord. He introduced himself and I was immediately struck by deep brown eyes, his engaging sense of humor and how delicately he handled my cantalopes. Then he unfolds it] Well Tell me again. Curtis: I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to tell you straight out. My daughter's been hurt and I can't do a thing about it. Steve Urkel: I don't have to take this! I wish I'd never done it. Not bells, Swiss Melody Chimes. It can't explode or anything? Sergeant Shishka: Don't insult my Army. Carl Otis Winslow: It's full, Harriet! Rachel Crawford: When the paramedics got there, they thought SIXTY-SEVEN people had died! Why are you guys dressed like that? Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room. Old money has more wrinkles! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Good answer! Laura: So, Myrtle, how long are you gonna be around? I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Steven Quincy Urkel: I will *not* sleep in the bathtub! Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. [Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]. Harriette Winslow: Harsh? I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. Rachel Crawford: Oh. Undaunted, Steve switches the station to polka music and ends up having a good time dancing with Waldo and Maxine], Carl: By the way, thanks for letting me use your chamber, Stefan. Steve Urkel: [dropping his bowling ball and hyperventilating]. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story" 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful. Stefan Urkelle: Where did you learn all that? Refresh my memory. Steve Urkel: Uh no. Or are they just lame? Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I mean every word, sweetheart. Is that the problem? [Handing out] Menu, menu, menu, menu, menu. Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. Web. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Eddie: Did Halle Berry return my phone call? White . Getting you to smile would be like pulling teeth! Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. Weasel: [pulls out a lot of cash from his pockets] Look at this $1500 dead presidents and the homies are still coming in. I'll teach that. I don't ever want to go to that restaurant again. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. Where do I sign? The truth is you deserve a kiss. Laura: For the last time, Steve. I'm getting dizzy. Rachel Crawford: She keeled over leading a game of Simon says! This library card is proof that ONE person can make a difference. You've been saying it for weeks. Steve Urkel: Why? Curtis: My whole family is flying out to Washington for the funeral, Laura: Can you wait a day, of course you can't. Mont gio sam eea!". You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. Steve Urkel - Infogalactic: the planetary knowledge core [Willie is upset at Waldo as Laura shows up to the crime. Carl: Who are you and what have you done with our son? Carl: Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it. I could hear him sobbing in his suspension chamber. And we practiced for six minutes! It's like wanting to touch a star- you know you'll never reach it but you've just gotta keep trying. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. I promise, okay? I'm in this class. Carl: Rough. Laura: How long have we known each other? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: But you humilate me everyday. One Now, let's read it! Laura: Waldo, what's with Steve, he's acting wierd, even for him! [Laura has stuffed her bra with Eddie's socks], Steve Urkel: [entering] Hi gang! The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [sympathetically] Eddie, Carl was just about your age when he lost his dad. Wha? But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. No phones. Laura: By being born first. Trying to cover it up would only make it worse. Raoul is the new produce manager. Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old. Steve Urkel: Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject? Steve could've been killed. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey sweetheart, how about some pie? Harriette Winslow: [Eddie got pulled over by the cops, and a ticket] What was the problem? Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class sign. That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. Steve Urkel: [ice pack on his head from a hangover, Carl just told him a story from his drinking days] Eh he he, ow, eh he he ow, [snorts] WHOOAAOOH! That was a love letter to Eddie Winslow from Eddie Winslow. Easy Eddo. Harriette Winslow: And it would be nice if you would support me sometimes instead of hiding behind your napkin and caring what the other people think.