It's that type of kindness you feel toward someone who's very close to your heart. 'I regret having children' In pushing the boundaries of accepted maternal response, women are challenging an explosive tabooand reframing motherhood in the process By Anne Kingston At first. First step: Don't rush things. That's when one of them dropped the term . As a woman, you get insulted for doing it, and you get insulted for not doing it. Being in a lo. Your best bet might be to stay with your gf for now, bond with your child and forge a relationship with him/her. **** will get tough before it gets better, but it will work out in the end. Making your child or probably children at this point live in hell as well because hey if you married her you may as well keep having sex and bring more kids in the world who would have to listen to the fighting, name calling, hate. But I don't know if I can be with her for the rest of my life. I'm having a baby with someone I'm not in love with. After a wonderful pregnancy I spontaneously gave birth at 29 weeks. Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. I am 39 soon to be 40 in 2 months. The ex and i still argue sometimes but you have to learn when to shut up. One in 4 women will hang onto 11 lbs. Be strong. I just put myself on hold. You don't want support, you just want to hear he is a bad guy and you are a victim. Girl sits on her partner, he turning her on the back. This discussion is archived and locked for posting. And remember, folks who don't want kids don't want kids. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. Sometimes their families even paid a dowry to the groom . WTF re u saying tat u will nt marry her if I was tat gal u will marry by force so tat when u die n return u will fu*k people that u love total rubbish.Now u want freedom my ass u wont get so whos gonna to marry ur baby mommy?? People reports the famous couple's "miracle baby"-a daughter-was born Wednesday, Nov. 7, via surrogate. After I really got to know him without drinking and partying, I found out I didn't like his personality. Apply for wic and food stamps and move in with family. YOU GOT THIS! He's controlling. Hey I know exactly how you feel. I completely respect her decision on this. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. I know quite a few mothers who weren't ready (not that anyone ever is) to have a baby when they did and just grew to resent their child. Damaged. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I know daddies who didn't feel a connection to their babies until they held them for the first time and like someone else said, maybe that'll be the case for you. People don't know he has a daughter, which tells me he's not proud of her, or truly claiming her in any way. Open-Ended Questions To Ask A Girl (205 Open Ended Questions To Ask A Girl), How To Make A Girl Blush Over Text (101 Things To Say), How To Compliment A Girl Over Text (141 Ways), Qualities Of A Good Woman (29 Vital Qualities), How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested (25 Helpful Tips), Signs A Married Woman Wants You To Make A Move (23 Signs To Look For), How To Turn On A Woman With Words (155 Tips), 27 Obvious Signs A Woman Wants To Sleep With You, Reasons Why Pisces Man Loves Scorpio Woman (9 Interesting Reasons), If He Doesnt Introduce You To His Friends, What Does It Mean? He was a rebound for me. Love My Boyfriend Wants To Have A Baby With Another Woman By Alex Alexander Written on Dec 23, 2022 Photo: fizkes / Shutterstock When I met my polyamorous boyfriend , Buddy, I couldn't. What kind of advice do you really want, the best advice would be to take care of your baby, dont let yours and your other half (lool) silly selves to pollute her upbringing. Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. I got my, now wife, pregnant but she never loved me, in fact a month before she got pregnant she actually went to spend the night with some dude at a hotel in a different city, but she told me she just wanted to go away for a couple of days. Support yourself. Shy behavior A woman who is in love with you will start to be unusually shy. Friends with benefits are often just friends who you sleep with, with no emotional attachment. In other words, those maternal. Take public transportation until you can get your own car and focus on your baby. This may not change her decision, but best to be honest. My kids are doing good. We had two kidsnice little family unit. You need a job and a plan so that you don't get stuck with him forever. HERE YOU GIVE A CHANCE FOR THE MOTHER, THE CHILD, THE FATHER AND THE GIRLFRIEND AT HAPPINESS IN LIFE. Romantic relationship of beautiful couple. Having a baby with him because of 'guilt' would be barking mad. She's too far along to have an abortion.,. Also, don't give her a dime of your money towards the baby until you find out if it's yours. Hair. She may have decided against an abortion thinking you will still be with her, but if not, TELL HER it is over and you will not be involved with her anymore (except of course whatever involvement you ahve with the child, support and custody-wise). I know he can tell I'm not in love with him and I think he thinks he's in love with me ( told me he loved me only after 3 weeks of dating, should've been my first red flag there) anywho we don't really fight a lot and are mostly very friendly around eachother and really do try to make it work but when he gets in his moods I just can't he got drunk one night and almost ran us off the road after telling me he was fine ( he really was acting completely fine) then when I screamed due to being terifed he yelled at me, took away my phone and told me to get out of the house , which I did. 11 Can't Shake The Baby Blues. I was By entering this site you declare Firstly, I am sending my regards to you all. Everyone has their reasons for doing things and it's not up to us to judge them. I was not in love with the guy I got pregnant by. "Once you cross that line, look for life to get easier in every way. What to Expect has thousands of open discussions happening each day. Welcome to the world little one! NO PHYSICAL THINGS. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. The problem I have now is that have a beautiful baby girl with one girl I impregnated whom I dont love. It stressed us kids out like you wouldn't believe, all the kids are dysfunctional, serious trust issues. You will love that baby no matter what when it gets here! I want to love this baby, but I can't shake how I feel. long story short. In fact, I was planning on breaking up with him right before I found out I was pregnant. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. I love my daughter and i care about my wife but there is no love on my end. Back then I loved her and I felt sorry for her because she took the decision of getting marry to me even though she didn't love me. Time to grow up! Likewise, it's also draining, frustrating, and time-consuming. And beware if your list of reasons is merely a hollow echo of your partner's. 3. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. The preferential parent is a parent who loves one child, the " golden child ," but doesn't love the other (or others), a " scapegoat .". Otherwise, you will lose the child and her altogether. I honestly could not ever think of missing out on this child's growing up, especially the early stages. You wouldn't happen to be burning a bra right about now would you? To start? That's a bummer sadly, the pill can and often does fail, even if its taken 100% properly and on time (and it usually isn't), so you have to be REALLY careful with someone you dont want to reproduce with, as many men have found before you. Well of course he would keep the car. The Stages of Wanting to Have a Baby, by Age From being adorably clueless to using all the condoms to #MomLife. As opposed to hanging out with friends and other men she isn't in love with, she may be much more outgoing and boisterous. A cesarean birth, which accounts for 21% of births today, costs around. The longer you stay with him the more he's going to think you do have feelings for him and it will only hurt him more in the end. NOW THE CHILD IS BORN. Welcome! What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. the repercussions and consequences of such an act always plays out. I would start making a game plan, create a change. He and my parents think that we are in love, but I have been keeping my true feelings to myself for 6 months: I don't love him. Think about it if you can't love him ever then end it and learn to co parent. If you don't like him, you don't have to live with him or use him. Babies can put stress on a couple because it requires both mom and dad to give of themselves. I agree that love is more a choice than a feeling. Some of us got promoted while pregnant or found new jobs, it is not impossible. AND THIS ALSO INCLUDES AN UNHAPPY CHILD. I do love her a lot as a person but i am not in love with her. It wasn't working out before she got pregnant and now it's 100x worse because of her hormones. I know life would be so much easier if we were together, but I don't know if it's worth it. After a little while, if you still feel the same (i.e. But men can still get baby fever. Nobody really knows what to expect when having a baby, but it does change everything, even if you're determined it won't. Some people may view the prospect of that change as scary and they may doubt their parental skills." Why would you do that? :(. You both mature guys so kindly sit her down and explain with vital reasons to her as to why just cant marry her but be sure to do it in a spirit of gentleness less you provoke her and all plans fade cos gals can be crazy at times when provoked. What was even worst she call me two days later to ask me if I could pick her up and I did. Nothing from the start. It wasn't ideal but eventually I got a better job and bought myself a nice car. You need to discuss with him so that you won't need to face the how do I deal with a break up while I am still pregnant his baby alone. Glancing over my shoulder in a coffee shop, I saw a couple of women, both bouncing perfectly content babies on their laps. Last updated on June 9, 2022 by Michelle Devani There are many things that may cause a broken heart. !I've been married for ten long miserable years to a wife I never loved. And when the oldest child was about 10, I finally left. He's provided for me financially, has given me a house and a car, and is really into being a father. I know that my kids love us both. YOU'LL BE STABLE. Perhaps you never talked about having a baby with your partner, or maybe you vaguely mentioned wanting kids "someday." You might've even agreed to try getting pregnant at 25 (or 30 or. She has someone who depends solely on her. Man and woman making love in bed. Falling in love again at 47 and marrying for the second time at 52 was a miracle. Grown apart and have no interest in each others lives! Chosing to be in a rebound relationship to forget the past and aiming for some fun also cause a problem. Please, please do not have an abortion like somebody commented. I was supposed to be the one. She doesn't want an abortion, and I know it sounds terrible but I keep hoping she will miscarry, however she is 16weeks gone and that's unlikely . @Teejay,hahahahaha, that cracked me up, but coming back to the issue, what da hell???? what is de main reason why u do not love her?? Might not happen overnight but think of where you want to see yourself in a year. Find out to see whether he actually likes you by taking this quick free quiz. If you don't want to be controlled, don't make yourself 100% dependent on someone. Remember, the decision you make will decide whether you will be happy or not in the near future. Just here to say I constantly feel guilty for all of the crying I have done this pregnancy. On the other hand, if you do not love her but only want the child, it is also very selfish of you. If I could do something different, it would be to divorce as soon as my last daughter was born. I don't have any memories of them not fighting. If she says she doesn't want the relationship then that's fine but if a man says he doesn't then that's selfish. You have to do what you feel is right. Having a baby can create a bond that encourages mature personal growth and strengthens a couple's commitment to each other -- but that doesn't happen overnight, and more often, it doesn't. . Long story short: we've togheter Long distance girlfriend pregnant and is thinking about breaking up. We had been dating for maybe a few months before exclusive. Forgotting that there's gonna be 3 children in his life forever? marriage should not be a punishment or a form of contract. THAT'S IT. We don't have to be together to love our children. After having a baby, a woman will be, on average, 2.5 to 5 lbs. Either stay or get off the pot but be careful how you play this. Is it okay for you to feel down all the time thinking about the mistake you did? And the best way to do it is to proof to anyone that this version of you is so much better than you were. Sure, most couples are madly "in love" at first, but as time goes on I think most people who have been married 10, 20, 50+ years will say that love is first a choice and then feelings follow and there are some hard times when the feelings are not there and all you are left with is the choice to show love to this person. Because, you are not allowing yourself to have a better relationship, at least with your own self. Can you be responsible enough to make sure you are being safe? Many things will change during the whole 9 months of pregnancy. I do feel sorry for you and the situation you are in. I do have family but financially they can't help me or buy me a car bc he would be petty enough to keep the one he got me, it's under his name, I don't have anywhere to go or any Finances since I quit my job moving in with him. Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade have welcomed their first baby to their family. Adults with kids don't need someone else to financially support them. Nobody wants probably so you think men should just force themselves to be in love with someone they're not?? It was important to me that my children had as normal upbringing as possible. It is tough to find time for yourself, let alone your spouse. Recently I found out I am pregnant. My current girlfirend got pregnant while on the mini pill. 4. You may want to consider marriage counseling talk to your pastor, priest whatever. View woman having a baby videos Browse 599,438 woman having a baby stock photos and images available, or search for woman in labor or woman giving birth to find more great stock photos and pictures. We only dated for three months before I got pregnant. I'm a **** if I lie and say I love her and be with her. I FEEL SORRY FOR THE GIRL INVOLVED. He made a baby with you but doesn't seem to support you financially and you don't live together. Ex My moving on process. In the workplace, women with youthful faces are often more successfuland make solid leaders.On the other hand, though, some baby-faced women get passed overfor challenging tasks and leadership roles. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. I want to be a great Dad, but I don't want to be miserable for the next 18 years - I don't know what to do. Everybody deserves someone who is able to appreciate, respect, and love themselves. I feel bad for you but you basically gave him the green light to control you. My father married my mother when she became pregnant times were different then of course. I need help moving on. But there's something extraordinary about the energy level of a little boy. He will probably try to then use the baby against you. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. IS THAT WHAT SHE/HER DESERVES A GARANTEED **** UP ENVRIOMENT? I know she doesn't want to be with me and I stop loving her and I don't want to be with her anymore. hmmmm my advise to u is to pray to God n ask for forgiveness, i wonder the big talk u used on this gal b4 u got her on bed and now ur running frm ur responsibility. First, she's too far along. Good one boys real mature!! If only i had acted 2-3 years ago when things were simpler and i was a little younger. Only good thing that came out of it are my children. This is the most stupid guy I have seen in my life twety something years of existance. As I said earlier, each person has different needs. Sex is the leading cause of babies. I feel like I'm forcing myself to love her. Sometimes it feels like you just can't win. YES PRO-LIFE HOWEVER THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY COULD YOU PROVIDE THE BEST FOR THE CHILD? SHE DESERVES A SAYING IN THIS! Why is she with you? Steve. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I pretended to be. Broken heart is a usual thing but, what is bad is the action that people choose to take to heal the broken heart itself. Don't marry someone you don't love. !So the next time you wake up and look at the zit face woman you married that disgusts you and you hate her because you could have banged all the women you wanted but she got knocked up! Good luck. But, learning from the past and making it as a lesson is a different story. And one of the problems is the appearance of a question having a baby with someone you don't want to be with, how to deal with it? My ex boyfriend keeps liking my photos. I didn't want to waste one more day of my life feeling empty and with someone I didn't even like. Though it didn't work out, I never regretted it. Having A Baby With Someone You Don't Want To Be With, How To Deal With It? I've never been the same since he brought out innocent baby into the argument. 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. seriously.. i find it hard to understand SOME MEN. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. A baby doesn't get to choose who his parents are so I think if you feel you won't be able to love your baby, it would be best for the both of y'all to be open to adoption. I have heard that arranged marriages actually have a better long term outcome because of this. FATHER IS BLESSED WITH A CHILD BUT MISARABLE. MUST READ: Is Christmas Bibilical Or Paganism? Once the humiliation of being in a loveless marriage is confronted, it can be accepted and even result in a long-term relationship. AND NOW EVERY ONE IS UPHAPPY, MISARABLE, INCLUDING THE CHILD. Ive just seen your reply and am unhappoy in my relationship but dont want to end it for the kids sake! Op: I don't understand why you quit your job, but find a new one and go stay with family. Thanks again JP. You could be the best, healthiest, most well adjusted person. and our Right? Amazed how women can be on these forums. We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. Learn more about. You need to be upfront and honest nothing is worse than being lied to when feelings are involved. The guy obviously does not love the girl in question yet went ahead and had a baby with her out of wedlock. CLARITY friend you do make a lot of sense. It does make someone feel down and stressed out but, look at the big picture. We are trying our best but we don't know how long it will last. My boyfriend cheated on me with his baby mama and now she is pregnant but I still love him HELP!! Do not be with someone you don't want to be with. Only knowing that you don't feel good with your current situation won't make any change unless you do. We literally virtually broke up the night before! It depends on the person. SCENARION 4: HAVE AN OBORTION. Made a mistake without any intention to make it surely will freak someone out. You decided to have a child with a man you barely know, you use him and his money (as you wrote, he can afford to pay for your car and other stuff) and you want us to praise you. Would I do it again? It tears me apart. To imagine her saying, "I'm here for you baby." We all need more than the . DO YOU WANT TO CHILD TO HAVE A MESSED UP UPBRINGING LIKE YOU DID? 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. cos no parents will watch their daughter to be ignore by a guy whom impregnated her\.. and am not even sure de gurl will accept that U must learn how to love her love grows strongly if u give it a chance.. give that a try ok without causin her much pain. By Kate Spencer Published: Apr 27, 2016 UNIVERSAL PICTURES | LAYNEELU/IMGUR AGE 6 I. No one would want their daughter and unborn grandchild in that type of situation. My pregnant girlfriend doesnt seem to want me around. For all the guys out there who think a woman is the stepping stone to the next onewear a condom. I talked with him about how we had to stop thinking about ourselves and trying to hurt each other. To think about the kids. He pays for the stuff bc he can afford too and didn't want me working while pregnant which was fine when everything was good. But I want to be a father. This relationship is bad for my wife and me. ( though I dont see the first one as a mistake because making babies should not be a mistake.it is the natural order of things).you cant force people to do things out of their wishes and desires. Op: get a job and support yourself. He's provided for me financially, has given me a house and a car, and is really into being a father. You are in control of your life. They were always fighting. They hurt the most. Being in a loveless relationship is not a good example for the LO you already have and the one on the way. *I also grew up in a home where my parents were unhappy. Eventually I grew to love him, but not the fairy tale kind of love. We didn't have to be. And I still do. Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table, Planned c section too presumptuous??? 2. You do make a lot of sense and i guess this is the only way forward. Having a baby with someone you don't love. To allow yourself to stay in a toxic relationship will be useless. So, we got married. We broke up 6 weeks ago and we Ok long story short my girlfriend of over a year was raped by someone that My girlfriend doesn't think I love her, but I do love her. SCENARIO 4: BE TRUTHFUL TO THE PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND AND LET HER ALSO HAVE SAY AS TO WHAT SHE WANTS. Having children is not cheap. 'Don't expect rewards in love': woman, 32, who desperately wants a baby says she dated 100 men in a year, renewing marriage pressure debate in China A woman went on more than 100 dates. It was enough for me to be content, while I gave the kids a life that I never had. I feel that i have fallen into serious depression and i might seek some professional help. Will the feeling of disconnection to this baby ever go away? After all, what is marriage if there is no happiness? Even when you first meet your new child, don't put expectations on how you should feel. You can't force yourself to love him. Women, in particular, have a growing awareness of the benefits of having babies when they're ready and not having more than they can provide for. Having a complex relationship that involves a baby mama means you have to include the other woman in your life; whether you like it or not. She is a good person, and a fantastic catch for somebody unfortunately that person is not me. I too feel torn by a similar situation. However I would like children just not in this circumstance you know? Now she's pregnant. On the most basic level, these changes, prompted by a flood of hormones during pregnancy and in the postpartum period, help attract a new mother to her baby. A friend of mine just had a kid w/ someone 1-2 weeks before meeting his current GF (who he loves but is probably leaving him over this - who can blame her?) Long story short, I don't love my pregnant girlfriend. I tried to keep them happy and not see the fighting. THE CHILD UNSTABLE, EVEN MORE **** UP. When a woman loves you, she's kind to you. cos it not easy to becme a single mother huh. THE TRUTH IS THAT NO MATTER LOVE CANNOT BE FORCED. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. His family is great also. I wasn't happy. My youngest doesn't really remember anything. no wonder we have the type of problems we have in our communitieswe are always reacting instead of thinking.. you cant correct a mistake or problem with another people.. Also, if it's bad now it will only get worse once the baby is here. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. Ex GIrlfriend blocked me out of the blue! Rejecting your man's baby mama is almost the same as rejecting your boyfriend's child and you don't want to do that. Rightfully so! The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Asking why you had sex with her in the first place wont solve this problem cos its everywhere in our societies and its just unfortunate your hit and run opportunity couldnt worked out. SCENARIO 1: STAY WITH HER BECUASE SHE IS PREGNANT (THIS IS THE FOUNDATION OF THE RELATIONSHIP). In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Sorry for the long story, but I wanted to give you an example of how the other side of things could go. With the lowest fertility rate in the . The "baby blues" are a form of depression - just not as severe as PPD. U r runnin away from marriage cos u didn love her b4 ?? To cut a long story short I'm in a very My Pregnant Girlfriend is Pushing Me Away. I've been with my boyfriend for years and I still don't know if I love him. There are days I hate being pregnant and days I could swear I even hate him. i know for sure u dated her for longer b4 she got pregnant start looking at the quality this gal have n think of ur daughter after that give her a chance n delete that mind of not loving her out of ur mind n married her ..am sure God will give u new hrt to love her.. Do you think that she would let you be a father if you two were to split? A year has passed, we have a beautiful little girl that I love with all my heart, but our marriage life is a disaster. Is anyone in the same situation.